Living for snippets

I know I can't complain.  The amount of pictures and updates we get on Liliana are way more than most adoptive parents ever get.  Last night, I got the idea to search You Tube in hopes of finding some videos of Liliana's orphanage.  I figured, if anything, it might give me a better idea of what sort of facility she has been in.  The third video I came across was precious and recent (August 2011).  As I watched it, I found myself searching for any sort of glimpse of our baby girl.  Anything.  Just like I had on the first two videos with no success.  Then, I caught my breath, at the same time as B.J. said "Hey, isn't that Liliana???"  I have replayed that video about twenty different times.  I am 99% positive that the little girl that you get a glimpse of on the right and then she crawls across behind the kids crowding at the door is Liliana.  She had just been returned to the SWI for about a month at that point.  What a surprise glimpse and what a gift from God.  Enjoy :)

Fun with school

While we are early in our homeschooling careers, one thing that B.J. and I are both committed to is making learning fun, engaging, multi-sensory, and more than just workbooks. We tend to create our own curriculum from a variety of sources and adapt it to our homeschooling. One of my favorites is Handwriting Without Tears. It has worked very well for Elianna, who is just finishing up her second year with the program, but I am learning more of the benefits of the multi-sensory approach with Janaya. With her achromatopsia, the varied approach to learning the letters works well. She learns to form letters with lines and curves (pieces of wood), erases with a wet little sponge piece and a dry piece when I write letters on the special chalkboard (so she gets to practice proper formation without having to remember how to make the letter at first), she gets to use playdough, chalk, and magnet boards too. There is also a CD, which, if you know Janaya, you know how much she loves music. Below is a video of all of her siblings getting in on the action.

New Pictures

I love Swallow's Nest and the work that they are doing with orphans in China.  If you get a chance to check out their ministry, I highly recommend it and you can click here.  As a sponsor of Liliana, we get monthly updates and even a few pictures.  I had emailed Pam (one of the founders) a few general questions this evening and a few minutes later I had the answers (in spite of her dad being very ill - please pray for him!) and included with the answers were three pictures!

We know that Liliana is very delayed, though we don't know the exact cause.  What we do know is that we serve a God who has been and is orchestrating every part of this adoption and that He has called us to be her parents.  I know the road ahead will not be easy, but I can't wait to see what He has in store for her.

I love the expressions on these girls!!!

Torn...

We mailed our I797 (the last piece left for our dossier) to NY on Friday of last week.  It arrived on Saturday, but the consulate was closed on Monday.  I paid the extra fee to get next day sealing instead of 5 days and also express mail for the return, so I was expecting it back on Thursday.  Nothing.  Friday?  Nothing.  Friday evening I got a call that it would arrive on Saturday.  Today.

The post man didn't deliver it in the morning to our door, like he did the last time, so I was a little frustrated.  I went out to check the mailbox this afternoon and saw the express mail envelope stuffed in our (rather tiny) mailbox.  Frustrated that the mailman didn't bring it to the door, I was still excited that it was finally here. 

Carefully, I went to pull the fabulous, here's-how-you-open-these-envelopes strings and it happened.  The entire mailer tore.  Sure enough, it tore the very paper I had been waiting for this whole week.  I barely kept from crying (though I did later). 

It wasn't until that moment that I realized how much this dossier process has been weighing on me.  I have been collecting documents, following up with people who I have paid a small fortune for who don't do their jobs efficiently, and trying to stay on top of all the details of this paper chase since December.  For almost seven months, I have had a portion of my life consumed by this never-ending paper chase and for a brief moment, the end was in sight.  And then it disappeared. 

As it looks now, I will have to redo the sealing process for this document.  Which means dragging all three kiddos to the bank to have a new form notarized (fortunately, this one is notarized as a COPY and not the original!!), then pay to have it sent to Harrisburg for the Secretary of State to attach a letter saying that the notary is really a genuine notary.  Then I have to mail it (or go to the NY Consulate) and pay for the Chinese Consulate to say that this Secretary of State was really the Secretary of State of PA when this document was processed.  More expense?  Yes.  But probably more importantly, more time.  More time until we get to bring our little girl home and more time until I can get this beast of a paper chase off my back.  I could use some prayers on this because I am really discouraged/frustrated right now. 

The Connected Child

Earlier this month, B.J. and I had the privilege of 'attending' the Orphan Summit at Saddleback Church online through streaming video.  This was a three day conference that featured speakers like Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Rick Warren, Carolyn Twietmeyer, and Karen Purvis.  Fortunately for us, Karen Purvis' breakout session happened to be scheduled in the main conference auditorium, so they streamed it.  She was fascinating to say the least.  As a researcher with an earned PhD in Child Development, she has studied children from 'hard places' as she refers to them.  These are kids who didn't have the advantage of a parent to nurture and care for them as infants or those children who suffered trauma and/or abuse.  These are your typical adopted kids. She spoke about the different brain transmitters and how they are completely out of balance in these children.  She talked about how children who have come from hard places can't access their whole brain because they are living in 'fight or flight' mode and only have limited access to anything other than the brain stem.  We could have listened to her for hours.  

Of great interest to me was her talking about the attachment cycle where an infant expresses a need (i.e. cries) and the caregiver responds and soothes the child (meets the need - food, change, comfort, company, etc.).  She talked about how this happens over 100,000 times in the first year of life and the child then learns that the world is safe, that adults can be trusted, and that they can be relied upon.  This is the foundation for healthy attachment.  Children in orphanages or abused/mistreated children don't have this cycle being met.  Instead, they have a need and they express it (cry) and they are either ignored or hurt which teaches them that the world is not a safe place and that they can't rely on anyone but themselves.  It also causes them to spend most of their time in fight or flight mode which actually destroys brain connections (from the constant flood of cortisol and other stress hormones).  

The reason I was so fascinated with her teaching, besides the fact that we are adopting a little girl from an institution where she probably has not had her early needs met, is that I see a lot of similarities in the maladaptive behaviors of children from hard places and children from ordinary families. Our society has moved away from parenting children the way God parents us and instead has moved towards a 'plastic parenting' model where babies are scheduled and every attempt is made to allow the parents' life to continue as 'normal' even after the arrival of the newborn.

How God parents us is dependent on what life stage we are in. As newborn Christians, God is responsive and near. He doesn't go silent on a new believer. He doesn't let them struggle through a difficult time without a sense of His nearness. He is there. He responds. He meets the needs.

As we mature as believers, how God parents us changes, much like the shifts that parents need to make as children grow older. Just like a preschooler working on a challenging puzzle, sometimes, we are struggling through something in our life. We ask God for help, but no help seems to come. God is there, but we aren't getting the help we thought we would get. Just like that preschooler who asks mommy for help and mommy encourages the child to keep trying and to remember how he/she did puzzles in the past with mommy's help, God sometimes lets us struggle and doesn't rescue us because He knows that because of our foundation in Christ, in the struggle, we can grow. He is there and He won't let us struggle beyond what our maturity is capable of, but sometimes, He allows us to be tested.

So much of parenting today is about us. We want our kids to sleep through the night – so we can finally get some sleep. We want our kids to eat/nurse well – so we can get a break. We want our kids to self-entertain – so we can have some time to ourselves. We want our kids to go in the nursery at church – so we can 'worship God without distraction'. We want to continue to live our lives in the same way we did before our children came along and we get annoyed at this little bundle of demandingness so that when someone/something comes along that promises to make this whole parenting thing easier, we jump right in. We excuse it by saying that to be 'good parents' we have to meet our own needs. We buy the swings, gliders, bouncy seats, vibrating toys, exersaucers, bumbos, car seats, strollers, educational videos in hopes that these will deliver on the promise of 'normalcy', but there is nothing about parenting that is normal. Or maybe we buy these things so that we can help our child to grow and reach their full potential without realizing that what our children need is us. Just like we need a relationship with God – not just religion, our kids need us – not stuff. God uses our children to refine us, grow us, show us our selfishness, and allow us to become more like Him. God doesn't take a new Christian and put them in a fun youth group and then sign off. He doesn't pass that responsibility off on others. He is God the Father and He parents us, tenderly, wisely, intentionally, so that we can grow and mature as believers.

Much of what Dr. Purvis deals with in her book is how to reach children who have not had their early needs met. It is a powerful book and many of the behaviors that she deals with and explains in her book match up to ordinary kids in today's society as well as kids from hard places. It makes you wonder if there is so much similarity in behaviors between both groups of kids then maybe we as parents need to take a hard look at our parenting approach and see if it is truly lining up with a Godly parenting model or if we have bought into the modern parenting that is destroying this generation of children.  

I think every parent should read "The Connected Child" - whether they are adopting or not.  It provides invaluable information about the way the brain forms and why interactions with parents are the foundation for a lifelong ability to learn and connect with others.  Mom and Dad are more important than they realize and this book helps to show why.  

If you want to read more about how to interact and play with your child and the importance of those early interactions, I also recommend "Bright from the Start" which also discusses the need for the parents to play with and interact with their children and gives lots of ideas to get you started.  

New pictures

Last night, I decided to check my email one last time before bed. I wasn't expecting anything fun, but I was surprised. Waiting in my inbox was an email from Lee - who is on the board with Swallow's Nest and currently in China adopting her little guy. She had volunteered to take a care package over to Liliana for us.

Mom and I went shopping to buy material and mom sewed a beautiful, cozy, warm blankie for Liliana. B.J. and I made a photo album so she could start to get used to what we look like, and a box of Teddy Grahams, which I had been informed, were a favorite with the kids in her house. We packaged everything, along with a card and letter and sent it off to Ohio to have it carried to China.

Below are five pictures I received. According to Lee, Liliana is very darling but quiet and shy and not a fan of strangers at all (not a surprise, based on what we have known so far). I think that is why she looks so hesitant in the pictures. She said she looks healthy and well nourished and can sit quite stably on her own.

It is always such a gift when we receive any word of our daughter. It is hard to trust God and His timing in all of this. We are still praying for a miracle time line that would allow us to get her home before Pelah's arrival - impossible based on current time lines, but with God we know all things are possible. However, we are also praying and trusting that Liliana will get to come home in HIS perfect time - not our own.

In the meantime, God is continuing to bless us and provide encouragement along this journey. In the past two weeks, He has blessed us with two different people blessing us financially in support of our adoption. He has also blessed us with pictures and updates and the knowledge that so many people are joining us in prayer for Liliana. It is amazing how tenderly He is guiding us on this path He has called us to. We serve an Awesome God!

Enjoy the pictures. The American lady holding Liliana is Lee and on the left is her daughter who is traveling with her.

I promised these pictures days ago.....

Here are a bunch of the pictures I received from Liliana Cai's birthday party. It looks like she had a blast, and I am so happy that she had a birthday celebration. I am also so grateful for Swallow's Nest and the wonderful things they are doing with orphans in China. Look at how well Liliana is standing while holding onto things - according to her file - she can't do that :)




Gorgeous birthday cake :)


Birthday girl!


Look at that cake...





Blowing out the candles


New baby doll


Giving kisses


Aww, this reminds me of Simeon....


I love the expression on the little one with the crown on.... :)





Group shot 1 - I can't even get 3 kids in a picture...


Group shot 2 - Liliana looks like "what is that girl doing?"


Alright - move the screamer to the back and here we go :)