Sunday, April 28, 2013

Parenting Help...

If you have hung around me or my blog for any length of time you know that I am a big fan of the National Center for Biblical Parenting.  I own several of their books and refer to them over and over again.  So when they offered bloggers a chance to preview their newest book, The Christian Parenting Handbook, I naturally jumped at the chance.

I have been devouring the book at every chance I have had (and even some I haven't had...).  It has 50 chapters which are fortunately fairly short.  So I have been able to tackle them in the bits of time that I have.

The purpose of the book is to help equip parents to develop a Biblical parenting philosophy, but they go way beyond theory.  The book is full of ideas you can use right away.  So you're able to read a chapter, get up and implement the ideas right away.  One of the things I love about their approach is that it focuses on relationship and their main focus then is heart change rather than behavioral change.  Behavior modification can work in that it can get your kids doing what you want them to do, but it doesn't address the heart issues behind the behaviors.  So you end up with kids that don't internalize the lessons and values you are trying to teach.  As the authors put it:

  "We're not saying behavior modification is wrong.  We're just suggesting it's just incomplete ... Parents who simply use behavior modification often end up with kids who look good on the outside while having significant problems on the inside ... Instead you want children to change their hearts.  You want them to ask, 'What's the right thing to do here?'  That shift in thinking is heart work."

Heart change is a lot harder, but it works because it addresses the underlying source of behavior.  This book helps teach you how to do just that.  For those of you who have read the other books that they have published, I will say that I have learned a LOT from this new book.  It might be that I needed a refresher (always a good thing) but I think it is because there seems to be plenty of real life examples of how to implement the changes you are working towards.

This book covers the full spectrum of parenting and applies to all ages too - from dealing with bad attitudes to the value of grandparents and everything in between.  They talk about how to parent when mom and dad are on different discipline pages.  There are lots of ideas for dealing with kids who argue, identifying the real issue you are dealing with rather than the argument itself, how to diffuse the intensity in conflict, and how to teach kids to add to family life rather than just take from it all the time.

For me, one of the most helpful reminders came when the book spoke about how sometimes parents struggle with anger when their children misbehave.  Yes, I may be right and my child may be wrong, but being right is not as important as being wise in how I respond to my child's misbehavior.  Just because one of my wonderful children is doing something that is wrong, it doesn't justify me reacting in a way that vents anger at him/her.  It can be easy to fall into a trap of getting angry at our kids and then justifying that anger and blaming their behavior.  Ultimately, my child can then use my poor response to justify his/her poor behavior.  Responding wisely though means recognizing my child's misbehavior and directly addressing the heart issue(s) that need to be dealt with..  Good reminder!

I love how the authors filled this book with practical, real-life solutions to common parenting problems.  I love that it is more than just another book harping on the need to be consistent (the first chapter is actually called "Consistency is Overrated").  They talk about the fact that consequences aren't the only answer - which is a great chapter because as parents it is easy to fall into the trap of feeling the need to come up with bigger, badder consequences to deal with bad behavior.  The authors go beyond just 'here's how to get your kids to behave' to addressing how to help your children learn to serve and honor and go above and beyond without you having to tell them (yes, that is possible)

I already highly recommend all of the resources from the National Center for Biblical Parenting, and The Christian Parenting Handbook has just become my newest favorite recommendation!  Whether you are new to their resources or you have every book, DVD, conference CD, and download available, you will get a TON out of this book! 

Now, here is the really fun part :)  I get to GIVE AWAY some stuff.  The National Center for Biblical Parenting is doing some giveaways (see below) and they also are giving bonus gifts worth $400 for everyone who purchases a copy of their book during launch week April 29 through May 5 (see below for more details).

The giveaways are listed below:
The Honor Multi-Media Package ($59.95 value)
Set of 5 Parenting Shifts eBooks ($49.95)
One free Biblical Parenting University Online Parenting Course ($99.95 value)
Disciplemaking at Home eBook ($16.99 value)
The Christian Parenting Companion Guide – Includes print copy of The Christian Parenting Handbook. ($49.95)

Since I have such fun giveaways, I get to come up with a fabulous way to give these things away.  So, if you want to be entered in a chance to win one of the giveaways listed above here is what you get to do (you can do as many or as few as you like):

1.  Click this link to the Christian Parenting Handbook on Amazon.  Look inside at the list of chapters and comment here on what chapter you are most looking forward to reading.  (two entries)
2.  (This one is mandatory) Comment on this blog what prize you would want to win (one entry)
3.  Share this blog on Facebook (one entry for each day you share this giveaway) - be sure to tag me in the post or comment back here that you shared it again.

Each thing you do, gets you one extra chance to win (i.e. if you answer the question in a comment on this blog post, you get one entry.  If you share this blog post on Facebook, you get another entry for each time you share about it).  On Saturday evening, May 4, all the entries will be put in a bowl and Elianna will get to pick a winner for each of the five prizes.  The first winner will get his/her choice, the second too and so on.  If what you wanted is already won by someone else, you will get the next available prize. These are some awesome prizes, so I hope you win!

Just so you know and the lawyers can be happy... This giveaway is open to Residents of the U.S. only.  Void where prohibited. Must be at least 18 years of age. 

Now that we're past that part, even if you don't win one of the giveaways above, you can still score some great free gifts if you purchase a copy of the Christian Parenting Handbook between April 29 and May 5.  Click here to purchase your own copy.  (yes, it is an affiliate link, if I did it correctly... but please be sure to do that before May 5!)  

If you purchase the book during launch week, you will get a package of free resources valued at more than $400.00. You can learn more on their website about the 8 items contained in the Bonus Parenting Package. In addition, you can get The Christian Parenting Handbook Companion Guide (This is a workbook with audio clips that will help you apply the material in The Christian Parenting Handbook.) for free if you purchase 5 copies or more of the book. Simply make your purchase from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, BAM (Books A Million), CBD or Parable.

To claim your premium, simply forward your purchase confirmation to and they will email you your special product code for the $400.00 package. If you purchased 5 or more copies of the book, they'll send you the PDF version of the Companion Guide as well as the audio package.

I am really excited about this book, the launch, and the giveaways.  This is going to be a fun week.

If you want to know more about the book and the launch week, below is a video to help :)


sarah said...

I like the companion guide.

Tricia Salmon said...

So excited about this coming out!!!! And it is very hard to say which chapter I am most looking forward to reading!!
-Be Prepared for the Three Arenas of Resistance---definitely peaks my interest

-Consequences aren't the only answer--that sounds like a good one

Parenting is an investment-think long term---definitely sounds like a perspective I need!!!

and I think I would like to win the parenting shifts e was tough to choose!

Rebekah Pitz said...

Wow looks great and I would love to win! I am most looking forward to reading "The difference between Punishment and Discipline" and "Teach Kids to Commun icate Emotions Wisely"
I would most like to win from you The Christian Parenting Companion Guide –
I also shared this on FB!

Terri said...

So hard to pick just one chapter! I am curious about "Consistency is Overrated," could really use "Stop Talking and Start Acting," and I would love to hear their perspective on "To Spank or Not to Spank."

I'd love to win the Companion Guide or Disciplemaking at Home.

I shared on facebook, too :-)

melissa said...

I'll be buying the book this week! Nice blog!

Mandie said...
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Mandie said...

Being the mother of 2 girls, I'm interested in the chapter on emotions and communication! And all the prizes are fabulous. I'm not picky.

Ben Leonard said...

I agree with others that it is hard to hone in on one chapter that I would especially like to read. Two, in particular, caught my attention: "A Child's Anger Problem Needs Attention" and "Firmness Doesn't Require Harshness." However, as I try to parent in a way that reaches the hearts of my daughters, this whole book looks great!

If my name is drawn, I would love the Parenting Shift eBooks.

I posted your post on my facebook page. Thanks, Rach!

Angie Lawry said...

This looks like a fantastic resource! The chapter "It's not enough to be right ,you want to be wise" looks especially interesting as I have teenagers (and soon to be teenagers) praying and thinking through some of lifes "weightier" issues.

If I win, I think I would most like to receive the honor multi-media package!

Eva Buch said...

The chapter titled "Don't Practice at the Grocery Store, that is the Final Exam" looks very interesting, lol! I'd love a chance to read them all though. "Looking for Heart Moments" also looks interesting.

I'd love to win the Desciple Making at Home eBook

Ed Miller said...

This is a great review Rachel. Well done. I especially like the way that you spoke of your personal experiences. Anger was a real problem in my life when my kids were young. I'm so glad that I learned how to deal with it. That doesn't mean that I don't still struggle at times, but I've seen the Lord change me in significant ways here. This book deals with this and other very practical parenting strategies as you mentioned. Thanks again. No need to enter me in your giveaway! Thanks again for sharing.

Holly said...

I would love to win the parenting shifts ebooks or the multi media package!

Holly said...

But my first choice would be the parenting shifts ebooks =)

Lauren Shockey said...

Thanks for blogging about this, Rachel. I'm so excited for this book. We got so much out of the conference a couple years ago. A couple of the chapters that particularly caught my attention are:
-Use Mealtimes to Build Relationships
-Good Character Qualities Misused
-Children Need to Learn How to Work Hard
-Use Creativity to Teach Your Kids Spiritual Truths
If I did happen to win the giveaway I think the honor package would be my first choice. But I'd be tickled to win anything!

Julie Cruz said...

I would love the companion guide. I am looking forward to reading the chapter Consequences aren't the answer. Can't wait to read the whole book though!

Mr. and Mrs. Bearclaw said...

I'm interested in the The Christian Parenting Companion Guide. Your review was great. I can't wait to read the book.

amandakimble said...

I'm looking forward to reading the chapters teach kids to be solvers not whiners and it takes 2 to argue. I would like to win the online parenting course

sarah said...

I think the chapter "Fair Doesn't mean Equal" is the chapter that most interests me, although they all sound good. I kept looking for the "get over your OCD and make them redo chores that don't get done right", but I couldn't find that one on the list :-P

Melissa and Howard said...

Very excited to get through the entire book, I am especially excited for the consequences it not everything chapter.

For the giveaway I was going to say the parenting guide handbook, but I think I will go with the online course!

Holly said...

Oh man! There are so many chapters I can't wait to read. I'll just name a few...
-consequences aren't the only answer
-bookmark good days
-use firmness to focus on character
-how to pray for your kids
I can't wait until my book arrives so I can start reading! =)